1. Have a book fall out of your book bag as you leave called: “Failed Doctors: A Career in Physiotherapy.”
2. Explain that you understand the entire body’s muscular system is intimately linked. Ask, for example, if closing the right eye repeatedly might strenthen your back. Wink at her repeatedly to show what you mean.
3. Give another example. Suggest that if you move your elbow joint up and down with an outstretched middle finger it may strengthen your back. Flick her off repeatedly to show what you mean.
4. Every time the physiotherapist leans over, bending her spine, ask her if she is doing it to show off her healthy back.
5. Tell her that she is psychologicqally crushing you by moving around the room so freely. Request that she remain immobile in her chair during your visits so you don’t have to be reminded of how your life used to be.
6. Get the physiotherapist’s demonstration plastic spine and say, “Can I just show you where I think the problem is?” Then stand up and start smashing the spine against the floor until it is broken into many many pieces.
7. Bring a full scale skeleton into the room with you. Sit it down next to you. Open the jaw repeatedly for several minutes. Say to the physiotherapist: “Your movement here seems to be OK.” Then, pointing to the skull, add: “But there’s not much movement up here.”
